College Spring Breakers Prepare to Blow Hundreds of Dollars Getting Blackout Drunk While “Relaxing” on the Beach

Ahhh Spring Break. The sight of blowjobs on the beach, cocaine at the club, and sun burnt fools who passed out on the beach. Thousands of college students will be showing up at spring break destinations all over the southern coast to partake in such activities.

With the crippling student debt in our country, many parents are urging kids not to go on these seemingly meaningless vacations. They argue that kids will blow hundreds if not thousands of dollars to go on a trip when they could be putting that money towards their education. They also say that lots of bad decisions are made that could have been easily avoided.

One parent said, “My daughter Jessica went to Panama City Beach for spring break last year and came back with a GIANT mushroom stamp on her forehead. It’s great to see my daughter is finally interacting with men, but not like that! She will never be going on another Spring Break trip again!!”

Another one said, “I had to fly all the way down to South Padre Island to bail my son Chad out of jail. He experimented with shrooms for the first time, and while he was tripping he decided to go swimming. Mind you my son doesn’t even know how to swim. A lifeguard ended up having to save him, but Chad reportedly thought the lifeguard was a giant ladybug. He ended up slapping the lifeguard unconscious and was charged with possession of psychedelics as well as assault. Last  time Chad’s going anywhere if I have anything to say about it.”

So kids, are you ready to make bad decisions and blow a bunch of money? Great, cause so am I. See you all out there!!


About Dixie Normous 49 Articles
Hi, my name is Dixie Normous. I am the Editor-In-Chief for the Sunnyvale Sentinel. Kind, honest, and caring are the three words I would say describe me the best. My job is to make sure you receive the best and most valuable news there is to offer! :)